Great article. Key points that I read:

1. Get out of your perspective and wonder what could be driving their behavior. Don’t try to figure it out or make assumptions, just recognize there is something triggering them that they may not even be aware of.
2. Don’t try to explain or be defensive. Yes, that can just infuriate the other person. They want to be heard, not listen to your lame excuses.

Additional points to consider:

1. Don’t say “I’m sorry” unless you really mean it and can specify for what you are sorry. Otherwise it can seem like you just want to get out of the situation.
2. Don’t say “I understand”. You probably don’t, or the other person may not believe that you do (“How could you, you haven’t walked in my shoes.”). DO listen and try to understand the other person’s perspective, and then acknowledge and validate them. You may not understand them, but at least you recognize they have a reason for their point of view.
3. This is really difficult in real-time. Especially with someone with whom you are in a close relationship or someone who is in an authority position. If you can find someone to do role play with, that bis a great way to practice. Make it fun and light, but also realize that real emotions will pop up.