It sounds like “real talk” is just a euphemism for attacking others. You described so many ineffective ways of communicating when there is conflict. The key point to understand is that conflict is a physiological stress response behavior. It’s the “fight” in fight or flight. When we are in that mode our mindset is “ I’m right, you’re wrong!” There’s not a lot of listening going on. That’s why we yell, to be heard!

The key to dealing with conflict is to get out of the conflict mindset. This is extremely difficult when we feel we are being attacked, but someone in the conflict needs to start the process of listening. Ask questions to get clarification and affirmation of what the other person wants to communicate. Acknowledge how they feel. Lower the temperature of the conversation. And if the other person still wants to be in conflict, suggest another time (soon) when you might be able to have the conversation. Meaning, you are open to what they want to tell you, but not necessarily how they want to tell you in that moment.