The “How” to forgivenesses is the tricky part. I believe one needs to examine one’s anger and resentment and ask, “How is this serving me now?” And it might!

So while it’s true that one needs to dispel the anger, resentment, and shame, that can only happen we we no longer perceive a benefit to holding onto these feelings.

Like you wrote, it got easier for you when each of you had found new partners. You no longer needed the old stories and the anger, resentment, and shame that fueled the storylines.