There’s a big difference between blaming ourselves and others, and it might not be what you think. Blaming ourselves is not at all the same as taking responsibility. It is a self loathing behavior we use to reinforce the belief that we are not good enough. So I agree with Brene Brown that blaming others gives us a false sense of control. But blaming ourselves reinforces a sense of being out of control. It keeps us stuck in our negative beliefs about ourselves. Oddly enough, blaming others is actually healthier. It’s by no means the destination, but it gets us out of the loop of self loathing. From there we can then take responsibility, which doesn’t mean “It’s my fault”, but “I understand my contribution to the situation, the impact that its had, and what I can do differently.”

BTW, empathy is some miles further along the emotional spectrum, but it’s within closer reach than when we blame ourselves.