Yes, and this the crux of it all. Whether straight, gay, bi, trans or whatever, we all tend to do this. That is the essence of the soulmate myth. We seek someone to “ complete us”, we find a “shiny” person who seems to be that special one, and then we project all of the qualities we really want in ourselves onto the other person. For awhile, during the infatuation phase, they seem to really be that great. Eventually the bubble bursts. They’re just who they are, not the person of our personal mythology. The thing is, no one else can complete us. That’s our job alone.

Regarding people of the LGBTQ community being more hurtful in relationships, as the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. People in this community often carry an especially heavy burden of hurt. Healing emotional wounds is difficult enough for an old, straight, white guy like me. I can’t imagine the difficulty when so many elements of society are actively against you.