You describe external events that stressed your marriage, but it is really our internal shit that can do us in. The stuff we think we have buried out of site but keeps wriggling to the surface like some zombie reptile. My experience is that counselors just provide bandaids, disguised as advice. What is needed is professional psychotherapy, to excavate the skeletons and confront them head on. To take their power away. Almost everyone of us could use it.