You’re right, apologies are difficult, especially the part about taking complete responsibility. Not just for one’s actions, but the hurt that it caused. The action is done, but the hurt and damage to trust linger.

It’s important for the apologizer to understand that the apology is not for them. It’s not to get them off the hook or make things ok again the way they’d like it. It’s 100% for the person to whom they are apologizing.

I disagree to some extent with the suggestion to offer to make reparations. The harmed person may not really know at that moment what is needed to repair the relationship. The apology should, though, include a commitment to not behave similarly again. Not just words, but commitment, which in the case of infidelity should include some type of therapy or counseling to uncover the reasons underlying the behavior.

Bottom line: Good apologies are rare.!